Big Boys Stole My Budget, Claims Naughty Little Schoolboy

Little George Osporge has told a sceptical Treasury Committee that last week’s budget was the most comprehensively leaked in living memory because big boys threatened to give him a Chinese burn unless he handed it over.

“Then the horrid bullies threw my budget into the papers and ran away laughing, miss,” insisted the crimson-faced chancellor of the exchequer, adding that he had been working so hard to get all the answers right that he completely missed Sport Relief Does Glee Club on CBBC. “I swear, miss, that’s what happened. No, I can’t remember any of their faces, miss.”

The chancellor's Treasury Committee performance

The chancellor went on to suggest that he should nevertheless be given full marks for his budget, as he was absolutely sure that he was 100% correct.

When committee members failed to reward his diligence, Osporge Minor went on to offer other perfectly plausible excuses, including “the dog leaked my budget”, “I left my budget on top of the telly, and horrible old Mr Murdoch grabbed it and pulled it through the screen” and “it’s my time of the month”.

The little liar was then given a jolly good thrashing.