It’s OK to Offend People, Mumbles String-Haired Seppo Airhead

Singer, actor, vajazzle installation pioneer

Ribena - a blaring mouth on legs who genuinely believes her ‘Straw Man goes to Belsen’ look is not only morally acceptable, but also in some way desirable – today informed millions of mystified BBC viewers that it is perfectly OK to offend people, but only if you have a silly name and make a comfortable living by prancing about in front of young children in your knickers.

“For a minute there, I thought this incoherent stick person was blurting out some sort of impassioned defence of free speech,” said a spokesman for freedom-of-expression campaign group The Manifesto Club. “But no, apparently not. When expert sound engineers edited out all the grunting noises, the few words that remained claim that thrusting her fadge in your kids’ faces whilst wearing a pair of fishnets and nothing else is at the cutting edge of Art, and anyone who's worried that their pre-teen daughter might do likewise is Stalin on steroids.”

“Oh, and it seems Ribena would very much like an Oscar for dressing up in a $200m game of snakes and ladders, or some such rubbish,” he added. “On the plus side, I gather she’ll be keeping her Aunt Jemima covered up for a full hour and a quarter. So that’s a first.”