Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Liam Fox Keen To Recruit Psychic Detective For War On Cyber-Crime

Have you remotely viewed this woman? Link minds with the sherriff
As the Liberty County Sherriff’s Office closes in on the radio phone-in caller who wasted their time with a psychic tip-off about bodies hidden in a truck driver’s garden, British defence secretary Dr Liam Fox urged her to forward him her CV at the earliest opportunity.

“Cold, emotionless cyber-criminals who were once human are launching thousands of attacks on the Ministry of Defence even as I speak,” asserted the swivel-eyed defence secretary. “As my urgent calls to Dr Who remain unanswered, I would very much like to meet this gifted woman. There is no doubt in my fevered mind that, equipped with a tinfoil hat of my own design to filter out unwanted psychic noise, she would be able to use her extraordinary powers to locate these relentless cybernetic monsters by focusing on whatever human remnants are encased within their brutal steel exoskeletons.”

Back in Texas, however, a rueful Marshal Sam McCloud warned that, with the benefit of hindsight, simply swallowing the fantastic assertions of a random nutter simply because she could accurately describe a house may not be quite the powerful new weapon in the law enforcement arsenal that the sherriff of Liberty County thought it was.

“Turns out a house is a pretty gosh-darned big item, y’know, an’ kin be seen bah th’naked eye from some ways away,” he admitted ruefully. “When ah asked mah deputies t’describe they neighbours’ houses, each o’them done give a mighty fine description. Either they all psychic too, or danged if it ain’t no big mystic thing at all.”

“Excuse me a while, folks,” he added. “Ah jes’ need to ask mah horse ta picture in his mind’s eye whut this hoaxer lady looks like, then he goin’ lead us straight to her.”

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