The Sun Says: Jesus Was A Blood-Drenched Communist Tyrant

Britain’s leading opinion-former, the Sun, solemnly warned the nation today to have no truck with hate-filled revolutionary Trotskyite Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, or his blood-drenched communist organisation, the Church of England.

Jesus would take these away in the middle of the night

As prime minister David Cameron vigorously rebutted the red rebel with a statesmanlike “Get fucked, beardy - I don’t remember anyone voting for you”, the intensely patriotic Australian-turned-American-for-commercial-purposes Rupert Murdoch heroically manipulated his organ to denounce the Archbishop as an unreformed follower of the notorious Palestinian communist, Jesus Christ.

“How DARE this sheep-shagging Christist THUG emerge from his TERROR stronghold in some dismal Welsh valley to hurl baseless SLANDERS at your, I mean our, glorious leader?” he demanded, under his nom de plume, ‘Dominic Mohan’. “STICK your blood-soaked communion wafers UP your synod, you fuzzy-faced STALIN wannabe, and take your failed MARXIST IDEOLOGY of truth and humanity with you! It’s NOT British, it’s FOREIGN and we don’t want any part of it!”

“And you can tell your MURDERING demagogue GOD the SUN said so!” he added.

Elsewhere, on page 3, curvaceous Sammi-Jo, 18, used her pert breasts to portray Christ as the jealous disseminator of a subversive revolutionary poison expressly designed to destroy British society from within.

“Jesus will NEVER get his MITTS on my TITS!” she boasted proudly.