Britain Asks NATO To Back Demands For FIFA Regime Change

Blatter can run, but he can't kick

As the hated tyrant Sepp Blatter tightens his grip on his corrupt FIFA fiefdom, the increasingly-isolated football associations of Great Britain have sent desperate pleas to NATO Headquarters in Brussels, asking the 28 member countries of the Western alliance to support their uprising with military assistance.

The UN Security Council is holding an emergency summit tomorrow to consider the wider implications of the ‘Arsehole Spring’ movement which is rapidly spreading throughout the world of football, although the US delegation is likely to veto any resolution that does not refer exclusively to ‘soccer’.

The de facto head of the FA rebels, chairman David Bernstein, warned that Blatter was a scheming, power-crazed dictator who was capable of the utmost ruthlessness in disposing of his rivals - including would-be presidential rival Mohammed Bin Handout, who has not been seen alive since a fanatical Revolutionary Fraud hit-squad laid siege to his office.

Privately, however, many of the leaders of NATO countries have expressed their doubts about the legitimacy of the so-called rebels.

“Who are these people, and what is their real agenda?” demanded French president Nicolas Sarkozy. “We know nothing at all about them, except that they command the unquestioning loyalty of a motley rabble of fanatical xenophobes, and get rather a lot of their funding from dubious Russian sources.”