Lewis Hamilton To Take Up Media Career With Kazakh Ministry Of Information

"This suit is black not."

McLaren driver Lewis Hamilton today shocked the world of motorsport by declaring his immediate retirement from Formula One racing because he is black, and announced that he was moving to the former Soviet republic of Kazakhstan to begin a career in journalism.

Media pundits pointed out that Hamilton has some experience in his new chosen field, having spent years hilariously trying to pretend in interviews that he is a streetwise black hipster even though the audience knows he is a typical middle-class white man from the stockbroker belt.