Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Internet Welcomes World War III

And yes, I feel fine
The entire internet is abuzz with gleeful panic over the surprise outbreak of the third and final world war on the Korean border this morning, with self-appointed experts cheerfully predicting nuclear Armageddon by midnight.

“Thanks to uploads of Fox Channel documentaries on YouTube, I have become a leading authority on ILLUMINATI-orchestrated geopolitics, the BILDERBERG-run military-industrial COMPLEX and the ZIONIST ELDERS who ORDERED Kim Jong-Il to start fucking WORLD WAR THREE by launching an ALL-OUT artillery strike on a small island held by South Korea,” blogged a man who has smoked cannabis for 20 years to cure the cancer he would certainly have caught off the deadly plastic his Pot Noodles come in, if he didn’t smoke cannabis regularly.

“It all makes sense if you’re SMART and track down all the SUPPRESSED sources of TRUTH that the GOVERNMENTS of the world are desperately shutting down EVEN AS WE SPEAK, the fuckers,” he added, above a huge screed of links to dozens of rabid conspiracy-theorist websites which share an endearing lack of basic layout skills.

“Obviously, this is the endgame which represents the culmination of every pothead’s wet dream of mass genocide - engineered by the multinational corporations through their willing puppet, the secret world government,” commented Xogg, an alien from the ninth dimension, as he parked his invisible scout-ship on the lawn of the White House. “I shall be happy to grant interviews later, in which I will tell those of you who are intelligent enough to listen how you can finally transcend your material existence, but first I have to deal with the evil lizard creature in there who appears to you in the skin of a black man.”

Meanwhile, top propagandists from the world’s Zionist-owned media have been clamouring for a comment from Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the world’s leading experts on North Korea.

The entire internet exploded later, after being filled to bursting with spectacularly ill-informed arse talk about China.

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