London Bishop Apologises For Calling Royal Couple Poncy Facking Slaags

Not so facking funny now, is it bishop?

The Bishop of Willesden Junction, Pete ‘The Scalpel’ Broadbent, today issued a formal apology for any offence he may inadvertently have caused by telling his faithful Facebook flock that Prince William and his radiant bride-to-be were “a right pair of poncy facking slaags what won’t last five minutes, gawd knock me bandy if it ain’t the truth”.

“When I said that Prince William came from ‘a notorious so-called femm’ly of compulsive shaggers wot just kin’t keep it in their traahsis’, that was merely a misguided attempt on my part to remind my brothers and sisters in Christ of the blessed sanctity of the God-given institution of holy matrimony, innit,” stammered the black-eyed bishop, as he searched for missing teeth on the steps of his palace.

“Similarly, in stating that our glorious Queen, in whom God is most pleased, and her illustrious descendants ‘owed us bladdy pots and it’s collection time, know what I mean?’ I was merely making a pathetically wrong-headed effort to clarify the silly egalitarian views which I held until early this afternoon,” he mumbled through a split lip, “When Prince Philip turned up unannounced with the boys in blue from the Royal Protection Squad for a spot of Bible study.”