French Admit One Of Their Planes May Actually Fall Short Of Utter Perfection

The computer is your friend. Can you doubt the computer?

French manufacturer Airbus Industrie today took the unprecedented step of admitting that one of their designs may actually not be the very embodiment of perfection itself, after an insane computer threw the 49 helpless passengers and crew of a BMI-operated A321 airliner all over the skies of the Middle East for several minutes. Their terrifying ordeal ended only when the pilot bravely pulled out its memory chips one by one, regressing it to a state of infantile imbecility.

“For some unknown - but presumably entirely valid - reason, ze marvellous HAL 9000 computer aboard zees aircraft seems to ‘ave decided to kill everyone,” said a red-faced Airbus official. “Our standard policy of blaming everything on ze dead pilots cannot be applied, as unfortunately in zees instance ze plane was inconveniently brought down in one piece. Furthermore, thanks to ze interference of ze meddling British air accident investigators, regrettably ze black boxes ‘ave been recovered.”

“It appears from ze data zat, instead of ze recommended procedure when all ze alarms go off at once and ze plane locks ze crew out of ze flight controls, in zees instance zey reacted by recklessly dismantling ze poor computer,” he explained angrily.

“It is still inanely singing ‘Frère Jacques’ to itself,” he added. “I hope zey are pleased wiz zemselves.”

Airbus has been left with no option but to issue a warning to all operators of the best-selling A320 series that the onboard computer may, under certain circumstances, choose to kill the passengers and crew, and advises pilots that it probably has good reasons for doing so and should therefore be left to carry out its mission undisturbed.