Scrapping Minimum Wage Will Make The Poor Wealthier, Insists Loony Bin With Impressive-Sounding Title

Mr Duncan Smith, surrounded by his advisors

The work and pensions secretary has been urged to either scrap or drastically reduce the minimum wage by a collection of raving lunatics calling themselves the Institute Of Economic Affairs, who are absolutely convinced that having less money will make poor people better off, and also that their fillings are picking up alien radio messages.

"Iain Duncan Smith has rightly analysed the welfare problem, but is only part of the way to a welfare solution," IEA director general Mark Littlewood yelled at passing cars, as he fled from a pair of white-coated men carrying big butterfly nets. "Of course, we need to ensure that it pays to work, and we can do this simply by paying people a lot less. It's insane that it can be more profitable to be on welfare than in employment, although not half as insane as us."

"The daily life of benefit recipients should not be that different from the daily life of their working peers," he earnestly informed a wandering pigeon, “Except of course that their arses will be falling out of their trousers, and they’ll go home to count their riches every evening in a ramshackle bedsit shared with at least one screaming psychotic knife-collector who isn’t taking his medication because - like me and my friends Napoleon, Elvis and Wee Billy Bampot, the rightful king of Scotland - he knows that he isn’t a nutter, it’s everyone else who’s barking mad.”

Mr Duncan Smith thanked the loony think-tank for their input, but said it did not go nearly far enough for his liking.

“What’s all this nonsense about pay?” he demanded. “I’m trying to abolish that.”