Half of all shoplifting in the UK is controlled by the notorious Scottish mafia, a BBC investigation has found.
With shoplifting offences up by almost 20% over the past year, costing retailers close to £5bn, police have so far failed in their attempts to infiltrate the notorious McGovern syndicate. Even Scotland's top gangbuster, the celebrated Eliot the Loch Ness Monster, has been unable to crack the case.
"Och, ah'm a respectable businessman, d'ye no ken?" grinned barely-comprehensible clan head Don Vito McGovern, surrounded by cheap t-shirts, assorted multipack tins of lager and various small items of confectionery in his opulent penthouse tenement in Leith's glamorous downtown Fort House estate.
One of the BBC reporters was taken off the investigation for his own safety, after coming home to find a voice-changing Cyberman head placed threateningly on his bed.
"There was packaging everywhere," said the team's producer. "The BBC logo had been completely obliterated by a marker pen. The message was unmistakeable: back off, or we will destroy your lucrative tie-in profits."
No comments:
Post a Comment