The humiliating demand is the Turkish government's response to Israel's treatment of its own ambassador, Oguz Celikkol, yesterday. After being asked to offer his government's thoughts on how a Turkish TV series depicting Israeli secret agents as evil child-snatchers might foster a deeper understanding between Muslims and Jews, the Turkish ambassador to Jerusalem was - in an unprecedentedly flagrant breach of international protocol - made to sit on a lowly comfortable sofa before the TV cameras of the world.
"Our evil allies, the dirty Jewish race, deliberately snubbed us in the eyes of the world by not giving our representative the highest seat in the room," explained furious Turkish president Abdullah Gul Dukat. "As our friends, they know very well that only a tennis umpire's chair provides the appropriate height from which we can look down with disdain on their sub-human faces."
The Knesset is holding a special session this evening to register its anger over the latest tricycle outrage, with some parties calling for Mr Celikkol to be forced to walk to work tomorrow morning with his trousers around his ankles, clutching a variety of useless household items.
Meanwhile, Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas urged both sides to take as long as they need to reach an amicable end to their disagreement.
"Don't mind us," he said, speaking on behalf of the 3.8m occupants of the Palestinian Territories. "You just concentrate on getting the serious issues sorted out, OK?"
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