Afghanistan War Escalates As British Journalist Death Toll Passes The 1 Mark

As British journo fatalities in Afghanistan passed the psychologically-important landmark figure of 1 today with the death of Sunday Mirror war correspondent Rupert Hamer, Britain's top editors firmly rejected calls from some quarters to bring our hacks home.

"Rupert's tragic death highlights the terrible risks our brave hacks and hackettes routinely face every single day that they're not embedded in a Kabul hotel lounge, cutting and pasting an army press release and fearlessly adding their byline," said Sunday Mirror editor Tina Weaver from her plush London office. "But this incident only stiffens our resolve to send out another 10,000 journos to churn out in-depth articles about the terrible risks our brave hacks and hackettes routinely face as they churn out a familiar stream of hackneyed clichés about the terrible risks our brave troops routinely face when occupying somebody else's country."

The heroic correspondent - who died when an Improvised Explosive Device (known to plain English specialists as a 'bomb') blew up beneath his vehicle as he was accompanying US troops on patrol - was affectionately known as 'Corporal Hamer' to Mirror desk-wallahs, and as 'another goddam liability' to the troops who were tasked with protecting him, as if they didn't have enough on their plates already.

"We're hoping that the good, patriotic people of Wootton Bassett OBE will make an extra-special effort when Rupert's remains are flown home and paraded through the streets in a coffin solemnly draped with a Sunday Mirror banner and any female C-list celebs we can get at short notice," added Ms Weaver. "And if Islam4UK want to call for a counter-march to highlight the number of deaths of Afghan journalists which have gone unreported, our inbox is always open for a good inflammatory story that makes people hate ordinary Muslims more."

Meanwhile, the Ministry of Defence has strongly criticised the media for issuing our brave hacks and hackettes with inadequate equipment, as it emerged that Mr Hamer's netbook was still running the obsolete Windows XP.