The home secretary, Alan Johnston, today defended his decision to hand harmless mentally-ill UFO hunter Gary McKinnon over to the Americans without any form of extradition hearing, explaining that the Americans were very, very cross about being made to look rather stupid by some loner in his bedroom and anyway, there is no such thing as Asperger's Syndrome.
"Look, I heard all about this old Asperger's skive when I was in charge of the Department for Work and Pensions," chuckled Mr Johnston. "Some bleeding-heart do-gooder from the National Autistic Society had the front to tell me it was an autistic spectrum disorder which seriously affects a person's perceptions and their ability to interact with others, and said that these people should be counted as disabled. Well, I told him it's a convenient excuse for bone-idle nerds to fiddle with their todgers all day long and whine that they're 'special', and sent the officious little twat away with a clip round the ear for trying it on. Who do these arseholes think they are, telling me my job? I don't need a bunch of hoity-toity doctors to tell me who's disabled - I've got a pair of eyes in my head, and if a doley's got two arms, two legs and a head that isn't dribbling down a bib, the bugger's fit for anything a Jobcentre advisor can strongarm them into."
"As for this McKinnon wanker, as far as I'm concerned if he can sit there hacking into 97 US government websites looking for little green men, he's more than capable of ringing up doolally pensioners and flogging them a new set of windows," he continued. "If he wants to take the piss by claiming to be loopy, he can go piss up a rope. Tell it to the American judge."
"So what if extraditing him under a dodgy one-sided treaty to the USA to face 60 years in a hellish penitentiary has threatened his comfort zone and left him suicidal?" sneered Mr Johnston. "Right now I'm out of my comfort zone, which is a nice corner table at Just St James with some tame hack from the Mirror picking up the tab, but am I slitting my wrists?"
"Get life, loser!" he added.
5 comments:
Hey, Nev - drop by mine sometime, I'm sure something will grab you...
I have Asperger's myself, so I'm more than happy to endorse Socrates' itelligent and witty Autism blog: http://the-newrepublic.blogspot.com/
w00t! fresh blood! looks like you're in TWTWTWIA iv, out on Saturday/Sunday...
You made Blog Post of the week.
Please drop by and swear at people...
Gosh! I'm suitably awed...
The non-judicial extradition of Gary McKinnon is a deeply disturbing example of the little-publicised Extradition Act 2003, which effectively makes everyone in the UK subject to US law and liable to extradition without trial. (Funnily enough, this law only works in one direction.)
MPs from across the political sprectrum argue that McKinnon's diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome in 2008 should have provided grounds for the Home Secretary to intervene.
If people are concerned about this dramatic erosion of our rights, take a look at http://freegary.org.uk/ for more information.
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