Baroness Coussins opened an important Lords debate on modern languages yesterday, by screeching loudly whilst jumping up and down and waving a thigh bone.
Anthropologists in attendance say they believe the Baroness is attempting to communicate her concerns that the British people speak less foreign languages than any other nation, mainly because most of them have trouble getting to grips with their own native tongue.
"The British have long maintained that the bloody foreigners can jolly well learn to speak English if they wish to conduct international business," pointed out Baroness Coussins' keeper - a Pole - as he peeled her a banana. "Unfortunately for Britain, we did and we do. They didn't and they don't."
Wealthy overseas tourists on safari in Britain's concrete jungles report that the local wildlife spends much of its time grunting and strutting around with its colourful decorative hoods raised, in some form of exaggerated sexual display.
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