MTV's European Music Awards in Berlin will be dominated by a complete analysis of the post-war detente between east and west, together with a careful study of the ramifications of the collapse of the Soviet bloc which have shaped the world in which we live, promised respected historian Katy Perry today.
"I know it's like sooo long ago, before most of us were born even," said the 25-year-old American singer of such memorable socio-political hits as ' OMG! UR So Gay' and 'Yeah OK So I Might Of Kissed A Girl But I'm Like So Not a Lesbian'. "But it's like everso important that my generation and the one after me, who are like eight yeah, understand that some old wall falling down has rilly, rilly affected our lives no seriously I shit you not."
"But of course it has to be like funny too," she added, "Or everyone will just switch over."
Award-show host Perry is to encapsulate the hedonistic atmosphere of the Weimar Republic by wearing a bowler hat and fishnets, just like Liza Minelli out of that film Cabaret. So far, however, she refuses to be drawn on speculation that she may go on to demonstrate the skyrocketing inflation that led to mass unemployment, national bankruptcy and the rise of Hitler by dressing up as a member of the Sturmabteilung, throwing loaves of bread at starving people from the back of a truck and kicking a Jew's teeth out.
Kicking off the inforcational segment of the evening's edutainment, the legendary U2 will re-enact the 1945 advance of the victorious Red Army into the shattered ruins of Berlin with a live performance at the Brandenburg Gate, in which St Bono will attempt to post-ironically rape or murder as many German women as he can get through during the 20-minute set.
Leona Lewis will also be present to deliver her groundbreaking academic paper on the consequences of the Yalta Conference - making particular reference to the diplomatic horse-trading over the post-war alignment of Yugoslavia, Austria and Greece - in which the former X Factor winner will amaze her fans by revealing that it was all a bit of a stitch-up that could well of led directly to all that funny business with Serbia, Croatia and a bunch of Muslims right, and therefore the whole war on terror thing probably.
The Foo Fighters will then dazzle budding history fans by explaining that Western rock and rap and punk and all that shit is quite big in Eastern Europe now, whereas it wasn't allowed at all under the Communists so all in all that's gotta be a good thing yeah?
Grammy-winning political ethnologist Bouncy Knowles will also be wowing the largely pre-teen audience, delivering a complex, yet soulful song cycle outlining the background of ethnic cleansing which has led to the war crimes trial of that former Bosnian president Caravan Whatsisface, you know, off the news and shit.
Finally, Ms Perry's fuckbuddy, Russell Brand, will then stagger in - ripped to the tits on Christ only knows what - to round off the whole lesson by hilariously dropping some indefensibly outrageous comment about the Russians that may well usher in another 45 years of mutual distrust and with a bit of luck get him back on the BBC.
"Some old fart like your dad might say that if you really want to know about the fall of Communism, you could just go to the library and read a book," said executive producer Richard Godfrey. "But then, of course, all your mates would laugh at you."
"Loser," he added.
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