Juju Priest Urges Cultists Not To Listen To Mumbo-Jumbo

Stern appeals from mumbo-jumbo Catholic witch doctors not to listen to mumbo-jumbo from a man who is not a witch doctor have fallen on deaf ears, with 10,000 deluded Irish cultists descending on the tiny village of Knock in the hope of catching a glimpse of their mythical fetish-figure's mother.

"If you screw your eyes up and look at the sun for long enough, I promise you that you will receive a holy vision of the great juju-virgin herself," chanted goatherd and self-proclaimed 'heap big sky magician' Paddy McGinty. "She will appear to you in her pure spiritual form, i.e. a sort of big purple spot, and grant you three wishes. Straight up, no shit."

"Hear me, silly wives of the mighty warrior sons of Ireland," pleaded local obeah-man, Archmage Michael Neary to the gathering womenfolk. "Do not listen to rambling nonsense spouted by a humble goat-herder who makes a comfortable living off your gullibility. I tell you now, the wrath of the great sky spirit can only be kept at bay by listening to rambling nonsense spouted by a robed child-fumbler who makes a comfortable living off your gullibility."

Some of the mighty warriors' silly wives claim they saw the great purple juju-virgin yesterday; but a few ouspoken heretics have risked being stricken with a plague of boils to claim that the so-called 'visions' are not all that either Mr McGinty or the Archmage say they are.

"I saw the sun spinning," a wise woman from a rival tribe told the world's smoke-signallers this morning. "Who is to know it isn't climate change or some shit like that causing that? Gaia the mighty earth mother is angry, and it is altogether more probable that she has finally risen up to smite the sun god a tremendous clout - sending him reeling through his kingdom, the starry firmament, in a bit of a daze."

"I skimmed through a book once that wasn't the Bible," she explained. "Now I believe in the superior magic of rational scientific observation. So I'm going to be looking at the sun through a telescope later, to see if I can spot the bruise."