In a tragedy without parallel in the annals of civilisation - if you discount an old Greek fairy story - the British Isles slipped forever under the waves of the Atlantic this morning.
The only survivors to have escaped with their lives appear to have been directors of Britain's corporate property developers and privatised water companies, who realised the reckoning had finally arrived after years of building on flood plains and underinvestment in drainage.
"We've been watching the rainfall charts for years, waiting for the inevitable to happen," said one executive, ruefully pouring muddy water from his shoe. "Even so, the speed with which the UK's overloaded drainage systems finally gave up the ghost almost took us by surprise. We only just managed to get to our yachts and helicopters in time."
The last of the UK's hapless 61m residents to succumb to a watery grave were council chiefs - who were last heard of holding emergency meetings to discuss possible increases in budget allocations for unblocking drains, in the final moments before the shining battlements of their ivory towers sank beneath the rising flood waters.
Worldwide reaction to the disappearance of Great Britain has been mixed. Spaniards are said to be highly amused at the prospect of hundreds of thousands of right-wing ex-pats having to apply for refugee status as stateless persons, while beach resorts all over the world are looking forward to being able to reduce their policing budgets thanks to a huge reduction in alcohol-fuelled public disorder.
Meanwhile, the US Army has kindly offered to hire the UK's forces in Afghanistan as mercenaries, in a continuation of its existing policy.
The Netherlands government is less delighted, however, as the Atlantic swell begins to overflow the dykes on its seaboard, eating away at Holland at an estimated rate of seven kilometres a day.
"Shit, man, there goes our breakwater," said Dutch Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende, as he paddled into a press conference.
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