President Hamid Khazi has been declared the winner of Afghanistan's popular talent-for-cheating show, The X Ballot, after twins Abdullah & Abdullah shocked the UN elections panel by pulling out of the contest in floods of tears.
"Obviously it's not quite the result we were hoping for," said UN observer Simon Cowell. "But I'm glad those bloody obnoxious Abdullahs are out of the picture at last, after all the troublesome allegations they made about voting fraud in the first round. Let me just say I personally checked all of President Khazi's votes, and I can assure you that his signature appears on every single one."
US President Barack Obama was the first foreign leader to congratulate Mr Khazi on his victory, although he later told reporters: "It is far from ideal for such a deeply-divided land, blighted as it is by impoverishment and disorder, to be governed by a somewhat discredited leader who lacks the legitimacy of a proper democratic mandate."
Britain's Gordon Brown has so far declined to comment.
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