Brown Slaps Britain's Enormous Nuclear Cock On The Table

Arriving in New York for a meeting of the UN Security Council, prime minister Gordon Brown raised eyebrows by unashamedly whipping Britain's enormous nuclear cock out and slapping it on the table, shouting: "Look at my enormous nuclear cock, everybody, and tell me if you think it's too big!"

As embarrassed world leaders coughed with embarrassment, Mr Brown confessed that, although he was very much attached to Britain's enormous nuclear cock, he wasn't sure if he could keep it up forever.

"Britain has been proudly waving its enormous nuclear cock around since 1952," he told delegates. "Unfortunately, however, nobody seems to take much notice of it any more. In fact, I think a lot of countries are laughing at it behind my back."

"Some silly old men with beards keep saying it's high time I stopped waving my enormous nuclear cock around and grew up," he explained. "They say there must surely be more important things to occupy my attention. But I love my enormous nuclear cock - it makes me feel like a big boy. Having said that, with all the bloody money that keeps flowing into it, I have to admit I'm starting to feel a bit faint."

Mr Brown refused to stop playing with Britain's enormous nuclear cock altogether, but said he was prepared to consider a slight reduction in size.

"I've heard that it's not how big it is that's important, it's the pleasure it gives," he said. "So I suppose I could settle for a slightly less enormous nuclear cock. Although - unlike my big friend America - I've never had a chance to thrust it deep inside somebody else's country and let it go off, and probably never will, I just couldn't imagine giving up the deep satisfaction of taking it out and waving it around in public from time to time."

"And don't forget my enormous nuclear cock gives a huge sense of pride to millions of people in the UK," he added.

As Mr Brown sat down, obsessively clutching his enormous nuclear cock, more mature statesmen expressed the opinion that perhaps it was time for Britain to address its tragic delusions about importance.