Tuesday 22 September 2009

Brown Unsurprisingly Declares Full Support For Lawbreaking Lawmaker

PM Gordon Brown has declared his full support for Baroness Scotland, shortly after the Attorney-General received a £5,000 fine for illegally employing an immigrant who had overstayed her visa to skivvy for her while she was busy drafting more laws for herself to break.

"I have every confidence in Baroness Scotland's unparalelled experience of both sides of the law," shouted the prime minister from the lavatory of a Boeing 767, in which he had locked himself for the duration of the flight to New York - where he has been booked to provide world leaders at the forthcoming G20 summit with some welcome comedy relief by expounding his prudent handling of Britain's economy.

Meanwhile, Baroness Scotland was busy telling UK Border Agency officials that she could not possibly be expected to be familiar with every last petty detail of some piffling, bureaucratic law that she wrote.

"When this wonderfully cheap Tongan domestic servant, whatever her name is, first entered my employment she was perfectly entitled to skivvy legally in the UK on her student visa," protested Britain's top legal officer. "How can I possibly be expected to realise that people don't stay students forever, or that visas expire? What am I - education minister and foreign secretary too? Needless to say, I have subsequently sacked the lawbreaking bitch. Perhaps if I'd thought this whole business through a bit more while I was making it all up off the top of my head, I might have remembered the part about employers having to keep copies of all documents."

"But never mind all that trivial nonsense," she continued, as she gave a can of furniture polish an experimental shake. "The important issue to remember in the midst of all this overblown media furore over a trivial matter like immigration, which really is of no interest whatsoever to the ordinary people on the street, is that I am a government minister and you're not."

"The upside to all this, though, is that - as far as I can see - I don't have to pay that awful woman the back-wages I owe her, as her contract of employment became null and void on the day her visa expired," she added with a smile. "That ought to offset the fine nicely."

Baroness Scotland promised faithfully that in future she would pay more attention to the law as she was writing it.

"Throughout my remaining tenure as Attorney General, I am determined to weave the name of Baroness Scotland inextricably into the statute books of this nation," she vowed. "Where it will immediately be followed by the words 'is exempt'."

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