Tuesday 25 August 2009

Government to Outlaw Football Addiction

Football is to be categorised as a Class C drug and banned by the end of the year, according to the Home Office.

The popular but legal recreational sport has been linked to a number of deaths, and there is a growing body of evidence to say that it is completely addictive and causes long-term brain damage.

"Football gives its users a legal high," said home secretary Alan Johnson. "But they often mix it with alcohol, creating dangerous levels of GBH in their bloodstream. This leads to severe mood swings, high blood pressure, vomiting and thinking that a two-year-old covered from head to toe in merchandising is somehow acceptable."

Other currently-legal addictive substances - including cheap ITV and the increasingly-popular Conservative Party drug - are also likely to be outlawed before the year is out, said Mr Johnson.

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