Skipping boldly past the Age of Enlightenment, the Industrial Revolution and the rise of humanist thinking, the Pope has led the Roman Catholic Church forward into the digital age by joining the social networking site, Facebook.
The Vatican will be holding a World Communications Day tomorrow, said the secretary of its Social Communications Department, Monsignor Paul Tighe.
"Young people today are not turning to traditional media like newspapers, magazines and encyclicals any more for information, enlightenment and a crushing sense of guilt and fear," he screamed. "And we Catholic priests are very keen on young people, you know."
His Holiness has already been busy getting to grips with cyberspace, sending friend invitations to the 475 Jesus Christs already on Facebook. He is also busy filling the homepages of the web-wise faithful with a relentless barrage of half-assed quiz results.
So far, Pope Benedict has thrilled his loyal cyberflock with the good news that:
- he is Marge Simpson ("big on family values, and very traditional");
- his parents should have named him Annie ("You are nice, caring and you love being with your friends");
- the first person he will marry will have a name beginning with G ("VERY hot!");
- he has a 98% chance of surviving a Zombie infection ("You would be the one to survive, and bring more with you. No one can stop you!");
- he would be a good assassin ("Yes, of course! You are a fanatical, Nazi-trained heavy weapons expert");
- Jesus would think he was a shithead.
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