Wednesday, 25 March 2009

BMW Driver Demands Removal of Clifftop Fence Blocking His Route

A purple-faced fuckwit in a BMW is furiously demanding that somebody removes the wire barrier from the edge of a 100ft cliff in the Pennines which is preventing him from following the instructions from his satnav system.

Robert Jones slavishly followed the satnav's orders onto a muddy footpath near Todmorden, Yorkshire, and would cheerfully have driven over the edge of the cliff to tumble to his death had his car had not become entangled in the safety fence.

Mr Jones - who says he relies on his satnav for his job as a driver - is insisting that the instructions from a small plastic toy programmed in Taiwan are far more trustworthy than the evidence of his eyes or the weak protests from the tiny, shrivelled corner of his brain which handles common sense.

It has so far taken nine hours for West Yorkshire police to tow Mr Jones' BMW out of danger, partly because he insists on staying in the car with his foot on the accelerator and shouting, "What the fucking fuck do you think you're fucking doing? Take that fucking fence down, it's in my fucking way."

He has now been charged with driving without due care and attention, and exceeding the legal limit of arseholiness in a BMW.

The AA commented that some satnav systems were prone to occasional inaccuracies - but added that in this case perhaps the police should just remove the fence, as the world probably wouldn't lose too much sleep over one less wanker in a BMW.

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