Monday, 23 March 2009

Ban These Unholy Flying Contraptions, Say Scribes

Horrified by yet more aircraft dropping out of the ether, scribes are today issuing calls for the unnatural black art of flying to be banned altogether.

As air-accident inquisitors in the United States and Japan pick through the smouldering, shattered shards of two of the infernal, sorcerous devices, more and more peasants are reported to be crossing themselves in fear every time an aeroplane darkens the sky above them.

"The time for urging everyone foolish enough to travel by means of witchcraft to spend the entire journey praying ceaselessly for their ultimate salvation is over," said a leader-writer of illuminated manuscripts with a scroll in journalism. "Thankfully, the MD11 cargo broomstick that crashed on landing at Narita Airport only killed the two cackling sorcerers riding on it, Jehovah be praised.

"But it could so easily have come plummeting down smack on top of a monastic cloister, or a petting farm full of happy, innocent children. And, horror of horrors, the PC-12 that crashed in Montana actually was carrying several younglings - no doubt snatched by the wicked wizard pilots to be sacrificed in unspeakable ceremonies at their crack'd and ruin'd castle on Firetop Mountain as part of the blasphemous rites which they regularly conduct to summon and confer with their lord and master, Satan himself. Still, the loving Lord's hand moved the tumbling abomination to bury itself in a cemetery, so the little children's souls are already safe and sound with Jesus."

"The faithful must not rest until those to whom God has granted earthly authority agree to dig the mortal remains of the villainous mages out from this sanctified place of interment and dump them with all speed into unconsecrated ground, with a brick in their mouths," warned the editorial. "Otherwise, doubt not but that the vampiric corpses of the damned will feast like ghouls upon the hallowed remains of Montana's dearly-beloved forefathers, cruelly denying those blessed souls a mortal shell on that glorious day when the resurrection trumpet shall mightily sound. Amen."

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