Schools Secretary Ed Balls has launched a programme aimed at tackling childhood obesity, in which schools will give out a cookbook to all 11-year-olds in England.
The Real Meals cookbook will include instructions on such kitchen skills as the right toaster setting for waffles, and how much milk to pour onto Coco Pops.
“As if we haven’t cluttered up the school curriculum with enough rubbish, teachers can now try to shoehorn cooking lessons for 11 to 14-year-olds into the timetable,” said Mr Balls. “Parents are useless oafs, and can’t be expected to pass on any skills or knowledge to their children. Jesus, we’ll be introducing potty training for year 10 students next.”
We showed copies of the cookbook to children at a local school. They told us that, although they couldn’t understand most of the words, the pictures made them feel quite peckish and could we spare a couple of pounds for a KFC bargain bucket, please?