Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Class War! What Is It Good For?

The Tories have accused Labour’s deputy leader, Harriet Harman, of trying to re-ignite a “class war”, following her speech to the TUC yesterday in which she called for action to tackle the gap in opportunities between rich and poor.

“When Harriet Harman told union delegates ‘equality matters more than ever’, her intentions couldn’t be clearer,” warned shadow Commons leader Theresa May. “What she meant was, ‘Take a crowbar to work and beat your line manager to a pulp before setting fire to his computer and throwing it out of the window.’ We are staring anarchy in the face.”

Ms Harman struggled to defuse mounting criticism, saying: “I think that socio-economic class and background is a kind of policy description and I think most people think about it in terms of family background – what sort of a family you come from and where they come from.”

“Did you hear that?” shrieked Mrs May. “She’s ordering her rent-a-mob hooligan army to march on the banks and burn them to the ground!”

David Cameron pointed out that it was not class war when fat cat bosses of huge, unaccountable corporations imposed huge charges on the public for essential goods and services, awarded themselves enormous bonuses while paying their workforce the minimum wage, or outsourced Europe-based jobs in favour of exploiting the poor in the developing world.

“It is only class war when the great unwashed start getting ideas above their station,” he added, as he climbed aboard his armoured helicopter for a spot of prole-hunting.

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