Estate agents across Britain are resorting to desperate measures to shift properties in the midst of the credit crunch, it was revealed yesterday, as figures from the Royal Institute of Chartered Surveyors showed that some agents have struggled to sell one house a week in the last three months.
‘Buy one, get one free’ offers shout out in vain from high street windows, while Nectar points and discount cards have also failed to tempt buyers.
“I beg the public to take pity on us,” sobbed one despairing agent in Guildford. “How could anyone bear to think that thousands of decent, hardworking, honest estate agents will soon be reduced to abject poverty? While you’re here, sir, perhaps I could show you round these 220 square metres of prime, recently-refurbished A1 retail premises in a much sought-after high street location, becoming vacant at the end of the month. Unexpected circumstances force quick sale; superb eye-candy receptionist included at no extra charge - come on sir, make me an offer, what do you say?”