Zimbabwe’s opposition candidate, Morgan Tsvangirai, has announced his withdrawal from the controversial run-off presidential election due to be held this Friday, saying that the prevailing conditions of violence and intimidation “do not permit the holding of a credible poll.”
So far, 86 people have been killed and 200,000 displaced from their homes for supporting Mr Tsvangirai.
President Robert Mugabe’s Zanu-PF party responded by claiming that Mr Tsvangirai’s Movement for Democratic Change was responsible for the wave of political violence sweeping the country.
“I wish these people would stop burning their homes, beating themselves to death and raping themselves,” said Mr Mugabe. “They are only doing it for attention. I blame the foreign media, who are working in league with the evil British Empire.”
Mr Tsvangirai is hoping that the outside world will force Mr Mugabe to stand down from the presidency. However, when he rang the world asking for support, he was put on hold and told by a computer that although his call was important, the world was currently fully engaged in watching Euro 2008 and complaining about the rising cost of filling its people-carriers and 4x4s with petrol, and instructed to call back later, if he was still alive.
“In the interests of fairness, we are steadily working our way through the alphabet,” said a spokesman for the United Nations. “And unfortunately for Zimbabwe, we seem to have been stuck on the letter ‘I’ for the last few decades. To be honest, we haven’t even finished with ‘A’ yet.”
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