On the first anniversary of Gordon Brown’s premiership, the Labour Party was left reeling after achieving its worst ever poll result in the Henley-on-Thames by-election.
To nobody’s great surprise, the traditionally safe Tory seat saw a small dog wearing a blue rosette romp comfortably home. The shock for Labour was the scale of their defeat, as the Liberal Democrats, Greens, BNP, Monster Raving Independence Party, Sinn Fein, Zanu-PF, Shining Path, Al-Qaeda, Tesco, the Scientologists, Count Dracula, the devil incarnate, Davros, the cloned brain of Hitler and a flesh-eating zombie all won more votes than the hapless, deposit-losing Labour candidate.
“I am very disappointed,” said a random backbencher who was pushed out of the door of Labour’s HQ to face reporters. “We did hope to do better than that. It is very difficult to divine a clear message for Gordon Brown.”
The flesh-eating zombie, who beat Labour’s Richard McToken by one vote – I’m sorry – by receiving one vote, celebrated by grasping the unfortunate Mr McToken and devouring his brain, to the jubilant cheers of Henley residents.
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