Wednesday 9 April 2008

Employers' Rights Fearlessly Championed by Labour

Gordon Brown is reportedly having secret talks with EU officials over the issue of temporary workers’ rights, after MPs backed a private members’ bill to give them the same basic terms and conditions as permanent staff.

His Labour government succeeded in blocking such moves in December - but the issue is expected to arise again in July, when France assumes the presidency.

Gordon Brown – the Labour prime minister - has repeatedly argued that employers should not have to provide extravagant luxuries to their temporary workers, such as paid bank holidays and basic sick pay. The CBI claims that treating temps as human beings would cost 250,000 jobs – a nice round figure, and as good as any – reminding people that they accurately predicted that the introduction of the minimum wage would result in 100% unemployment, and the abolition of slavery would bring down Western civilisation.

Mr Brown is said to be pushing for the creation of a new commission, which would include employers, trade unions, members of Westlife and a pantomine horse, and would be tasked with wasting several years in fact-gathering and talks, conveniently allowing the status quo to continue indefinitely.

The Nev Filter has obtained a transcript of the secret talks. Experts are still working on it, but we can reveal that so far Gordon Brown has sidled up to a man in a trenchcoat and offered him a cigarette, to which the foreigner replied, “Try this brand. It is much milder.”

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