Queen guitarist Brian May has been made chancellor of Littlewoods John Moores University, and has used his honorary appointment to criticise government cuts in science funding.
“Good evening Liverpool, howarya!” said the ageing rocker. “Science education funding in this country is a disgrace. I mean, look at me. As a penniless postgraduate student, I was forced to form a world-famous rock band, releasing platinum-selling album after platinum-selling album and touring for thirty gruelling years, just to fund my continued research into interplanetary dust. Now my application for vital funds to develop an interplanetary hoover has been cruelly rejected, with potentially devastating consequences for asthmatic astronauts.”
Queen are in the process of arranging a world tour to promote their first studio album in 13 years, with former Free frontman Paul Rodgers performing vocals. May added that a sequel to the musical ‘We Will Rock You’ is being planned, tentatively titled ‘A Night At The Musical’ or ‘Fat-Bottomed Wallets’.
“We need the cash,” said May, “Roger Taylor needs a hip replacement.”
“Don’t you all?” shouted a heckler, who was wrestled to the ground by a giant, sad-looking robot.
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