Media experts burst into tears of joy and hugged each other as the BBC announced that, as of next Monday, its news output would be revamped with new title sequences and graphics.
News programmes will also adopt a more rigid branding, with weekday bulletins renamed The BBS News at One, Six and Ten. BBC News 24 will become BBC News, and BBC World will be known as BBC World News.
“These fundamental changes will totally change the way current events are understood by our audiences,” said the BBC’s Head of Perception, Dave Flipchart. “It’s vitally important that people realise they’re watching the BBC, not some low-rent ITV pap. We will maximise the impact of our brand/consumer interface by having newsreaders shout ‘You’re watching the BBC!’ every ten seconds, in between saying ‘Hi Mark! - thanks Mark!’ to a work-experience trainee shivering outside a closed door and asking viewers to text or email their comments and photos. It’s cheaper than journalism.”
“You’re watching the BBC, peasants,” he added. “Tell us your half-assed, ill-informed thoughts, we could do with a laugh.”
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