Silly Fuels

The Renewable Transport Fuels Obligation came into force in the UK on Tuesday, requiring all petrols and diesel to contain at least 2% biofuel. The fuels are said by about 3 people to be a renewable, environmentally-sound alternative to fossil fuels, and by everybody else to be a dangerous drain on the world’s arable land which are largely responsible for the first global food shortages in decades.

“From now on,” said a government spokesman, “Motorists can look forward to filling up their 4x4s with fuel derived from crops like maize and corn, then moaning about the rising cost of their monthly shop at the supermarket.”

Strangely, nobody else in the media bothered to find out what poor people in the developing world thought of the new directive, so the Nev Filter chartered a private jet and flew halfway around the world to ask the question no-one else would ask.

“It doesn’t much matter to me whether my meagre crop gets eaten by fat Westerners or burned up in their big cars, really,” smiled a thin-looking Indonesian farmer whose name we didn’t quite catch. “Either way, my life is a constant struggle for survival. But I’m very pleased to hear that you’re saving the planet - I’ll think about that next time my children are doubled up by gnawing pangs of hunger.”