Test Proves Queen Capable Of Converting Text To Speech

Shiny thing make it all better

Artificial intelligence specialists pronounced themselves delighted with this morning’s State Opening of Parliament, in which the experimental text-to-speech app they installed in the Queen has proved itself fully capable of rendering even the most incomprehensible scribble into something closely resembling rational speech.

“If the software was going to trip over the test data anywhere, it was likely to be the gag about spotting terrorists by reading the entire internet in realtime,” laughed Dr Mel Strangelove, the project leader who, only last month, upgraded Queen Elizabeth II to Android Ice Cream Sandwich.

“We heard Apple were running a sweepstake on which bit would make Her Majesty stutter and crash, but we always knew she’d sail through without a glitch.” Dr Strangelove added that the Queen had now been put into standby mode and returned to the software lab, where developers hope she will soon be capable of looking at modern art and working out what it is supposed to represent.