Disability Nearly Abolished

Soon you won't have to look  the other way ever again

Government plans to make disability a thing of the past are well ahead of schedule, according to delighted officials at the Department for No Work Or Pensions, as figures were released showing that 37% of Britain’s unsightly, unaffordable disableds have already been cured by a simple but miraculous interview.

“All our wildest hopes have been exceeded,” commented pioneering doctor Iain Duncan Smith. “Disability, you see, is simply a matter of perception - and Atos Medical’s teams of dedicated nine-to-five doctors and nurses have conclusively proved that all you have to do is stop believing the disabled and hey presto! Suddenly they’re not disabled any more.”

“Despite gloomy predictions from the National Audit Office of no more than a 6% cure, I dared to think that 25% could be achieved,” he enthused. “But to have hit 37% in the space of a year strongly suggests there is every likelihood of removing disabled people from our society for good.”

“And just in time for the next general election, too,” he smiled. “Which is more than anyone could have hoped for.”