First World Holds Breath Over Dreadful Hobbit Threat

How can a loving creator sit idly by and let such things happen?

The first world’s attention remains totally focused on the desperate humanitarian struggle for the name of a pub in Southampton today as - following a heartfelt plea for sanity and compassion to prevail, from a man who asks pointless questions for a living - a man who dresses up for a living became the latest statesmanlike figure to step forward and attempt to solve the greatest first world problem in history.

The man who dresses up is already acquainted with the man who asks questions, as both of them are involved in telling a story with moving pictures. Both men promised an anxious first world that, the moment they have finished their storytelling, they will definitely undertake a fact-finding mission to Southampton and experience at first hand a pint of warm, watery beer at the critically-endangered pub.