Passengers Baffled By Concept Of ‘Worst Train Operator’

Thank you for travelling with First Great Western, suckers

A survey has confused long-suffering rail users by suggesting that one useless, thieving train operating company could somehow be even worse than the other useless, thieving train operating companies, it emerged today.

“As far as I’m aware, the only possible difference concerns the various garish colour schemes they inflict on their trains,” moaned a rail victim at Paddington, who was in a state of shock after being mugged for £264 for a cattle-class return ticket to Penzance on First Great Western’s ‘heritage’ line. “But all of them give me the same blinding headache.”

Meanwhile, at Euston, one of Richard Branson’s hapless prey was being kicked screaming onto the 0803 by fiendish minions after waving his tearful goodbyes to a hard-earned £158 for the dubious privilege of being dumped in a reeking Birmingham cave after considerably more than 84 minutes of nausea, punctuated by a persistent idiot with a trolley but no understanding of the basic principles of coffee.