Next Dr Who Could Be Unborn Foetus, Hints Matt Smith, 5

At least we might see some character development

Dr Who fans are as uncritically enthusiastic as ever about the suggestion by five-year-old actor Matt Smith – who has played the legendary Time Lord ever since he could speak – that the next incarnation of the Doctor may be portrayed by a foetus.

“It would save the BBC loads and loads and loads of money, because the baby Doctor would be all inside his mummy’s tummy and, and she could be his new assistant, and then they’d only have to pay her and the Doctor wouldn’t cost them anything, and then they could buy a new monster,” explained the child star, on the eve of filming the latest gripping season of adventures in which the fresh-faced time traveller will meet his most formidable adversary yet – bossy Mrs Tomkins, the classroom assistant – on his first day at school.

“I can’t give too much away, or scary uncle Steven who makes up all the words says I can’t have any fizzy drinks for a month,” cautioned little Matt conspiratorially, as he ate up his greens in preparation for the rigours of his hectic filming schedule. “But ‘Casualty’ is made next door now, and I saw him asking lots of questions about the thing they put on mummy’s bump if you’re going to get a new brother or sister and it shows you funny pictures. So that’s what I think is going to happen.”

“I want a poo,” he added.