World Economic Crisis Your Bloody Fault

The prime minister today explained that the catastrophic implosion of the entire global economy was entirely down to you and your bloody credit cards, you silly sod.

You silly cow

“We're in a debt crisis,” admonished Mr Cameron. “It was caused by too much borrowing by businesses, banks, Labour governments - but most of all, you. The only way out of a debt crisis is to deal with your debts. That means households – i.e. you lot - paying off the credit card and store card bills. Now.”

“You stupid, stupid bastards,” he added.

Mr Cameron’s advice for a speedy return to happy days is for you to stop buying stuff.

“The banks simply had no alternative but to keep extending your credit limit again and again because of your reckless irresponsibility. Now look what you’ve done,” he scowled. “Fancy buying things that weren’t absolutely essential to your continued existence, just because you wanted them. Like iPhones. And digital televisions. And furniture. And clothes. What the hell were you thinking? Idiots.”

The prime minister warned that if you didn’t settle your massive debts by the end of the month, he would be forced to send the bailiffs round to every household in the country to seize everything in your home and give it all to the poor, suffering banks. And serve you right.