Governor Jumps Off Bank Of England

Mr King's final uplifting message to Britain

Bank of England governor Mervyn King has raised speculation in some quarters that Britain’s glorious economic resurgence may not be as imminent as was previously believed, by leaping off the roof and plummeting to a merciful release on the pavement below.

Just before he stepped off the ledge into oblivion, Mr King was heard to scream: “This is the most serious financial crisis we've seen at least since the 1930s, if not ever.”

Shocked staff inside the crumbling Threadneedle Street edifice say they are struggling to keep sobbing executives from Lloyds TSB, RBS, Santander UK and the Nationwide Building Society from entering lifts or climbing the emergency stairs to the top floor.

Meanwhile, chancellor of the exchequer George Osborne was last seen dragging a bulging suitcase through the air tunnel onto a flight to South America, leaving behind a trail of Monopoly banknotes on which the ink was still wet.