Murdoch Family and Friends To Voice Simpsons

After awarding himself a massive 47% pay rise this year, taking his salary to a thoroughly-deserved $33m in recognition of his expert management of his tightly-run media empire, News Corp boss Rupert Murdoch warned that its Fox subsidiary would no longer be able to waste $8m a year on a bunch of jobbing actors whose only talent is to read Simpsons scripts in a variety of silly voices.

Rupert Murdoch announces his pay rise

“Crikey, any drongo can do that,” said Mr Murdoch, announcing that he would be sacking the entire cast of the long-running series and replacing them with his own family and close associates.

“I like a challenge,” explained Mr Murdoch, “So I reckon I’ll have a crack at playing the talentless, dim head of a dysfunctional family. My fragrant kung fu lady Wendy will, of course play Marge. James is the obvious choice for that lovable rascal Bart. My highly-principled old pal Rebekah Brooks can bring all of her depth and gravitas to the part of Lisa, and young Liz can be Maggie. Crikey, I reckon this voice-acting lark is a piece of dingo’s piss.”

What you will hear:

(Simptons theme)
Marge: Hi, Homey, you back ealry! What happen?
Homer: Blimey, Wend, I came a bit of a gutser, and now the bloody plant’s melting down!
Marge: They sack you for being sirry breeder? Where divorce rawyer?
Homer: No worries, cook, there’s no need to get your clacker in a tangle! She’ll be apples. I awarded myself a performance bonus. Them dags’ll never suspect it was my fault!
Bart: Strategic multi-stranded path to explore, paternalistic role-play example!
Lisa: Oh, the shame! The shame!
Homer: Strewth, Lisa, me little ankle biter, here’s some pocket money. Will 3½ million do?
Lisa: I’m over it. (wanders off to spend more time with saxophone)
Maggie: Ptt-ptt.
Marge: Risten! Who knock on door?
Mr Burns and several hundred angry shareholders: Simpton, you no-hoper! I’m mad as a snake!
Homer: Eek!
Nelson: Ha, ha!