Give Children The Chance To Go Up Chimneys At 14, Says Chris Dickhead

Young scum absolutely love a good clamber

Sir Chris Dickhead, the former head of Ofsted, has called on the government to stop pretending that a few more years at some tarted-up ‘academy’ school will somehow manage to pummel even the most basic literacy and numeracy into the desperately thick hellspawn who infest their corridors, and to cut their losses and kick them up the nearest chimney at 14 instead.

“You can keep these ghastly little inner-city shits in school till they’re 100: but, let’s face it, the best stab at literacy they’re ever going to manage is scrawling a rudimentary cock on the lavatory wall,” opined the greatest living expert on education. “The kindest thing would be to kick them out at 14 and send them up chimneys for a pound a day, or maybe use them as reactor shielding.”

Dickhead also bemoaned the government’s plans to encourage Britain’s public schools to sponsor ghastly state-run brat pens, warning: “The more that their luxurious facilities are cluttered up by low-pated scum from some nearby monkey pit, the less they are available for the fee-paying scions of the upper-middle classes and gentry."

"The only time these degenerate council-estate creatures should ever be seen in a public school science lab," he advised, "Is for a dissection experiment.”