Prime minister David Cameron promised today that he would soon be making “tough love” all night long to the urban poor of Britain’s deprived inner cities, leading mystified political commentators to trawl the internet for any kind of insight into what on earth he might be talking about.
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| Mr Cameron's vision for the inner cities |
The only explanation anyone has so far come up with involves bondage, domination and sado-masochism - which, experts believe, could well involve tying the jobless up in various agonising postures, attaching clamps to their nipples and other eye-watering tortures. This would only be carried out with the victims’ consent, however, which would be renewed every fortnight as part of their Jobseeker’s Agreement, and would be halted at any time with the uttering of pre-agreed ‘safe words’ – probably along the lines of “I would like to end my claim.”
Such speculation was reinforced later when deputy prime minister Nick Clegg was seen being bundled into the back of a car round the back of 10 Downing Street, trussed up like a Christmas turkey and sporting a ball gag.
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