Biggles Test-Flies The Revolutionary New P45

“I say, Biggles, is that the new crate you’ll be putting through its paces?” spluttered Algernon ‘Algy’ Lacey, as he and the sterling Squadron Leader James Bigglesworth strode into a hangar marked ‘TOP SECRET’. “Crikey, it looks as sleek as a bally paper dart!”

“Why, the P45 is a paper dart, Algy, old bean!” chuckled Biggles as Smyth, his trusty mechanic, strapped him in securely. “Chocks away! Let’s see what this old bus can do!”

Biggles, we salute you. Now get a bloody job, you layabout

With a deafening rustle, the P45 roared into the blue yonder, carrying its fearless pilot into the unknown. Pressed down by invisible forces, however, Biggles soon became a helpless passenger in the deadly paper machine as it sped him far away from the comfort and security of the Officers’ Mess.

“Hello?” he bellowed into the R/T. “This is Squadron Leader Bigglesworth. Mayday! What do I do?”

“Press 1 if you are making a new claim,” advised a soothing voice, and with a superhuman effort, the airborne adventurer complied. After several stirring minutes of the Dambusters March (during which Biggles saluted heroically) a DSS radio operator finally picked up the distress call, and asked for his name, rank and National Insurance number.

“That’s all you’ll get out of me, you devil!” snapped the war veteran defiantly.

“I’m sorry, sir, but unless you’re prepared to co-operate fully and answer every question I shall have to terminate this call,” came the dreaded reply…

An hour later, Algy’s faithful scanning of the skies was rewarded as the battered P45 suddenly staggered out of a low cloud, and slithered sickeningly along the runway. Dashing over to the crumpled wreckage, Algy swiftly dragged a stunned Biggles from the cockpit to safety.

“I say, Biggles old chap, what happened?” he urged. “Are you hurt?”

“Hurt?” gasped the plucky hero, as he struggled out of his flying suit. “I’m blooming mortified! I – I’m a civilian, dammit!”

“Crumbs! But the boffins have just delivered another P45! And they say more are on the way!”

“I’m afraid you’ll just have to take it up yourself, Algy, old sprout! I rather fear I’m hors de combat for good this time. Now help me up, there’s a good chap. I have to report to B&Q branch immediately – there’s a bit of a part-time job on, it seems, and I have to get there before 7,000 other applicants!”