Why You Don’t Want Human Rights (© All Newspapers)

Hands up if you want the Human Rights Act repealed

1. They are unspeakably foreign.

2. You, dear reader, are as pure as the driven snow and have never, ever broken the law and would never dream of doing so - not even if it was a silly, petty law you didn’t even know about, like ripping CDs you’ve paid for to your MP3 player or swearing at a cold-calling telesales monkey.

3. Each and every British police officer is cloned from the combined DNA of Miss Marple and Jeeves, and is therefore utterly infallible and absolutely beyond reproach.

4. Nick Clegg likes them.

5. Why shouldn’t our impeccably moral newspapers poke their cameras and microphones anywhere they damn well please, including your voicemail? After all, you’ve got nothing to hide.