UN To Debate No-Fly Zone Over Basildon

Hold on tight now, girls and boys

As evil British dictator Colonel Gadavey’s minions on the People’s Reactionary Council of Basildon gear up in readiness for an all-out assault on Dale Farm, a ramshackle camp full of ethnic pikeys, the United Nations’ Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination called on the UN Security Council to implement a no-fly zone over Basildon as a matter of the utmost urgency.

“In the last few days, Colonel Gadavey’s propaganda machine has been pumping out explicitly anti-pikey tales of fairground atrocities, turning the population against this victimised ethnic minority,” warned the committee. “The pikey community of the United Kingdom has been discriminated against for centuries. The lowly job opportunities allowed to them are restricted to the running of rickety amusement-park rides and offering disdainful shoppers the choice of a worthless sprig of heather or an unspoken curse.”

“The world cannot, and must not, look away and let this injustice happen,” concluded the report. “Basildon Council’s offensive capability must be neutralised, if necessary by a punitive airstrike against its car pool.”

President Nicolas Sarkozy has already indicated that the French people would be more than happy to commit their fighter-bombers and assault helicopters to supporting Britain’s pikey minority, as long as they promised to stay there and keep the fuck out of France.