BBC Viewers Looking Forward To Sir Alex Ferguson Shouting ‘Fuck’ Again

Sir Alex contemplates whether to stick with 'fuck', or ring the changes

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has agreed to lifted his seven-year boycott against the BBC, allowing terrestrial viewers to experience once again the delights of his potty-mouthed rants.

Sir Alex brought his self-imposed ban to an end by telling a wincing BBC reporter: “Those FA clusterfucks can piss up their fucking arseholes until they fucking realise how fucking important this fucking club is. We’ve produced more fucking players for this crappy country than any other fucking club in the fucking world! Those fucking wankers ought to be fucking queuing the fuck up to suck my bastard cock instead of shitting on us all the fucking time. How fucking dare they piss all over wanker Rooney just for fucking swearing at a bastard TV camera, for the holy love of fuck? Fuck me sideways, I do that for a fucking living! Now piss off, you little BBC cunt.”

“It’s a beautiful game,” spluttered red-faced BBC veteran Gary Lineker, spitting out a mouthful of crisps.

Meanwhile, BBC marketing chiefs are already looking forward to lucrative Christmas sales of a hurriedly-designed Alex Ferguson mask aimed at young Manchester United fans, with a built-in voice chip which will turn every word - except prepositions - into an electronic bleep.