Unicorns Prance In Britain’s Streets

The single most riveting event in human history

Unicorns, fairies and other mythical creatures disported themselves, unmolested and unseen, through the deserted high streets of Britain’s cities today as all eyes were glued to the unremitting tedium of the Culture, Media and Sport Select Committee hearing on the off-chance that tainted tycoon Rupert Murdoch might announce imminent plans to commit ritual suicide to atone for his shame.

A giant flying saucer landed in the middle of Regent’s Park in the early afternoon, but after wandering to and fro along a silent Oxford Street for two hours the lonely ambassadors from an unknown galactic empire gave up, returned to their UFO and abandoned their futile search for intelligent life in this solar system.

Similar disappointment awaited the unfortunate Whale King who, sadly, chose today to trundle out of the sea, riding his majestic coral unicycle up and down the Brighton seafront without attracting any attention whatsoever.

The people of Britain declared themselves overjoyed, however, when their lives were made complete by a publicity stunt involving a comedian nobody has ever heard of, or will ever hear of again, and a plate of shaving foam.