Sunday, 17 April 2011

This Particular Aspect Of Monarchy Is An Anachronism, Declares Clegg

Deputy prime minister Nick Clegg is to ask the rest of the Commonwealth whether the part of Britain’s thousand-year-old monarchy which gives priority to male heirs is merely atavistic baggage from a primitive bygone age which has no place in our modern democratic society, he revealed today.

If only she was a bit older
“In this day and age, it’s frankly ludicrous that a member of our hereditary dynasty of imported Protestant inbreds could reign - not just over Britain, but also the international community of its former colonies - simply because they have a cock and their older sister doesn’t,” pointed out Mr Clegg. “Why on Earth shouldn’t a woman have an equal chance of becoming the acknowledged leader of 30% of the world’s population, as long as she’s the first child of whoever happens to be king or queen at the time?”

“And, of course, it goes without saying that she’d have to give a pretty wide berth to all that Papist mumbo-jumbo about beads and whatnot,” he added.

Mr Clegg says that PM David Cameron is “sympathetic” to his argument, although Mr Cameron was seen in the background pointing to his own genitals with a smirk, then shaking his head and frowning as he pointed at Mr Clegg.

Liberal Democrat backbenchers were quick to agree, saying Mr Clegg had conclusively demonstrated that, these days, it is perfectly possible for a leader to have no balls.

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